i think my mom watched the whole time
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Let's get the cat blown out
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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