She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
