I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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