don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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