the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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