So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
