Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
