Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
