Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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