I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i dont even know how to be here
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
