Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
