You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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