Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
