First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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