Grow some girl-balls and come out already
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
