Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
