He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
