I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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