Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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