I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
