Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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