Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
false alarm. still invincible.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
