Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
