i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
...so i touched it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
