now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
