My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
