Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
