I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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