I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
