plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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