i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
