My friends, they love my intelligence
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
