Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
