You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
