Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
