if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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