On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
