she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
