My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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