i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
