I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
