Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
