I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
