speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
