hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
