Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
