Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Everyone says I win the strip club
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
