its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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