I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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