i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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