Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
