I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
